NAVIGATING THE HOLIDAYS + COMPLEX TRAUMA
FEATURING HALEY DAROOWALA, LMFT | LEAD CLINICAL THERAPIST AT THE ANNEX
The holiday season is a time often painted with scenes of joyous gatherings, glittering festivities, and cherished moments with loved ones. Yet, beneath the tinsel and cheer, lies a potent mix of heightened stress and emotional overwhelm, especially for those who carry the weight of past trauma.
For survivors, the key to successfully navigating this season isn’t about ignoring the stress; it’s about understanding and responding to how your own body reacts to the holiday demands. Your well-being depends on shifting from reacting to externally imposed “joy” to creating internal safety and control.
“Being around family can bring up so many feelings and memories of past experiences. Oftentimes, people find themselves reverting back to versions of themselves they were growing up in order to feel safe around their family. Simply put, your brain fires what it knows is safe! Having a premeditated holiday plan can help people continue to build a life centered around their recovery even in triggering environments.”
– Haley Daroowala, LMFT | Lead Clinical Therapist at The Annex
Family Gatherings: Reclaiming Your Engagement
One of the most intense sources of holiday stress is the relentless expectations of family gatherings. For individuals whose trauma originated within their family system, these events are often not a celebration, but a minefield. Memories of past traumatic events can resurface, triggering acute anxiety and distress. For those who have lost loved ones, these gatherings can amplify feelings of grief and profound loss.
Instead of enduring, choose your level of engagement:
- Boundary Strategy: Do the pre-meal conversations, the awkward silences, and the probing questions make you feel vulnerable or suffocated
- Change your arrival time. Arrive right as the meal is served to minimize exposure to triggering conversations.
- Accommodation Strategy: Does simply spending the night in your childhood home flood you with unwanted, painful memories?
- Reach out to your network. Arrange to stay at a trusted friend’s home, an extended family member’s house, or even a local hotel.
- Actionable Tip: By creating safety and control on your own terms, you move into a more regulated and powerful position during potentially triggering family get-togethers.
Holiday Expectations & PTSD: Giving Yourself Permission to Opt Out
For trauma survivors, particularly those currently engaged in difficult therapy or recently exposed to a traumatic event, the sheer increase in stress and expectations during the holidays can significantly exacerbate symptoms like panic and hyperarousal.
The cultural pressure to manufacture a “picture-perfect” holiday, complete with elaborate decorations, packed social calendars, and flawless hosting, can lead to heightened anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. The high arousal caused by crowded holiday shopping centers, paired with the demands of decorating and social events, makes effective management of PTSD symptoms incredibly challenging.
It is crucial to be aware of your body’s response and give yourself explicit permission to opt out.
Triggering Demand … | Self-Care Alternative (Creating Control) |
Crowds at the Mall … | Shop online instead. Avoid the overwhelming sensory input entirely. |
| Elaborate Decorating | Don’t do it! Or, make it easier: Invite a close, trusted friend to help, or decide to decorate only a tiny, manageable space, like your dining room table, and nothing else. |
Remember: Creating control on your own terms that genuinely supports your needs is the most important part of the holiday season.
Prioritizing Self-Care: Creating Space in the Chaos
The final weeks of the year, while busy for some, often provide natural lulls and opportunities to create space for yourself.
Prioritizing self-care is not a luxury; it is a necessity. This involves:
- Setting realistic expectations and boundaries. It is okay to say “no.”
- Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or your therapist.
- Taking dedicated time for self-reflection and quiet.
If your body is signaling a need for calmness, there is no reason for you to push yourself into the chaos of last-minute shopping, grueling travel, and demanding meal gatherings. Listen to your internal regulator. Your greatest act of holiday kindness can be to yourself.
HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?
Our dedicated team is committed to supporting clients and their families throughout their therapeutic journey.
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